Mock News
Attractive Girls Union
Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman | Its funny because it is true. via Fimoculous |
Apple iVinyl Portable Record Player
For you hardcore audiophiles that hates the compression of MP3s and loves the warmth of Vinyl, I introduce to you the iVinyl Portable Record Player.
via CrateKings
CR Contest: Win a date with Phil Collins!
Yes..THE PHIL COLLINS! You know, the drummer from Genesis? They use one of his songs in just about every trailer for every romantic comedy! Now do you remember? He did a song for Disney's animated Tarzan. Okay, the Postal Service covered his song 'Against All Odds.' Well, trust me, he was big in the 80's. All you have to do is submit your favorite Phil Collins lyrics along with any number from 0-1000. If you guess which number Phil is thinking of- YOU WIN! My personal favorite lyric is when he sings 'EE-YEAH-EE-YEAHH!' just before the drums kick in in 'I can fell it coming..' X MEN 4: NEW INFORMATION JUST LEAKED
This new information about X4 has just been found on the Internet. It seems they are introducing a character that is not even in the comics! Ricemaker! Appartenty he can make rice at all hours of the day, sober or drunk, and attack his enemies with it! AMAZING!!!!!!
Italian is the other new Black
A new study has shown, that like asians attempting to get into college, short, hairy, Italian men are also at a disadvantage in life. While asians receive -50 points on their college admittance exams, short, hairy Italians receive -50 points when:-trying to get a girlfriend
-trying to get a job
-trying to make a team
-gambling
-even more
Sadly, this study concluded, that from birth these odd balls are screwed. The only girls he gets are ones without green cards.
Apple & McDonald's venture brave new worlds
It's true. Business giants Apple and McDonald's have decided to dip their toes into unfamiliar waters.
McDonald's is set to release a chain of more upscale, healthier restaurants called 'McDeli's'- as compared to their world famous, burger servng counterpart. Sandwhiches will be served on french breads or wraps and will average about $4. McDeli's will begin to appear in 2006. There has been no word yet on whether McDonald's spokesman, Ronald McDonald, will be part of the McDeli's advertising campaign.
Another anticipated product release comes to us from a more tech-savy company. Rumors have floated around for months about this new Apple product and Certified Random is here to be the first to confrim it's truth, as we found out in one fortuitous interiew with Steve Jobs of Apple:
CR: Thank you for taking this interview with us. We apprecite your sacrifice of time from your busy schedule to do this, Mr. Jobs.
SJ: No problem. Glad to be here.
CR: I apologize in advance for being so nervous- this is my first interview. Anyway, I'll start with my first question. There has been
rumors about Apple trying their hand at clothing- is this true?
SJ: Why yes, actually it is. We are set to come out with a new product called 'I-Pants.' We've been working on them for some years with
top fashion designers. These new pants are designed to be fully compatable with the i-pods.
CR: So it's just pants? What makes them different from regulars pants.
SJ: Well I have some with me here (pulls out pants from bag). You see these feature a special pocket to function with the i-pod.
CR: Those look like cargo shorts from Abercrombie. I think my friend owns the exact pair.
SJ: No. They're I-Pants.
CR: Then how come they say Abercrombie on them.
SJ: Uhhh..look over there!
This is where the interview ended. After I fell for the trick and 'looked over there', Jobs punched me in the face, stole my wallet, and ran off. Certified Random later found out through investigation that this was not actually Steve Jobs- but rather, Bill Gates with a shaved head.
McDonald's is set to release a chain of more upscale, healthier restaurants called 'McDeli's'- as compared to their world famous, burger servng counterpart. Sandwhiches will be served on french breads or wraps and will average about $4. McDeli's will begin to appear in 2006. There has been no word yet on whether McDonald's spokesman, Ronald McDonald, will be part of the McDeli's advertising campaign.
Another anticipated product release comes to us from a more tech-savy company. Rumors have floated around for months about this new Apple product and Certified Random is here to be the first to confrim it's truth, as we found out in one fortuitous interiew with Steve Jobs of Apple:
CR: Thank you for taking this interview with us. We apprecite your sacrifice of time from your busy schedule to do this, Mr. Jobs.
SJ: No problem. Glad to be here.
CR: I apologize in advance for being so nervous- this is my first interview. Anyway, I'll start with my first question. There has been
rumors about Apple trying their hand at clothing- is this true?
SJ: Why yes, actually it is. We are set to come out with a new product called 'I-Pants.' We've been working on them for some years with
top fashion designers. These new pants are designed to be fully compatable with the i-pods.
CR: So it's just pants? What makes them different from regulars pants.
SJ: Well I have some with me here (pulls out pants from bag). You see these feature a special pocket to function with the i-pod.
CR: Those look like cargo shorts from Abercrombie. I think my friend owns the exact pair.
SJ: No. They're I-Pants.
CR: Then how come they say Abercrombie on them.
SJ: Uhhh..look over there!
This is where the interview ended. After I fell for the trick and 'looked over there', Jobs punched me in the face, stole my wallet, and ran off. Certified Random later found out through investigation that this was not actually Steve Jobs- but rather, Bill Gates with a shaved head.
